Monday, August 10, 2009

Sunscreen

Our youth group had planned a trip to the local water park a few weeks ago and before we went I was thinking through a list of things to bring while walking around Wal-Mart when I came to sunscreen. As I thought about it I realized that it was very obvious that I couldn't ask a student to apply sunscreen to my back and it would be very awkward to ask one of the adult counselors to do it as well. (I suppose this is part of the curse of being single in youth ministry - you don't have anyone to apply sunscreen to your back during the summer).

As I thought about the issue and walked by the sunscreen aisle I realized that they now has sunscreen that sprayed on from an aerosol can. I grabbed a a can of and walked away reveling in the fact that I had the foresight to see this as a problem and was able to find a solution.

Our trip to the water park came and went and I escaped the sizzling North Carolina sun unscathed. A few weeks later I was getting ready to embark on a beach retreat with a few seniors who will be going off to college in the fall. As I set my bag down on the sand during our first full morning at the beach I asked one of my seniors to spray my back down with aerosol sunscreen. She obliged and gave my back a good spray and then I took the can and sprayed my chest and arms. After a full day at the beach in the blazing sun I got back to the beach house, and wast getting ready to hop in the shower when I looked in the mirror.

What they don't teach you in seminary is that aerosol sunscreen doesn't really mix with a strong ocean breeze and it's also hard to see in the bright sun. Basically it looks like Zoro attacked my back with a can of red spray paint and my chest and arms are spotted red from where the wind blew the sunscreen away from my body. Seminary Fail!


Sunday, August 9, 2009

Being single in ministry is about as awkward as a homemade Star Wars reenactment film. Some well intentioned Protestants believe it is their civic duty to provide for their pastor… a kind and generous gesture... except when it extends to include the provision of a spouse. Since (as far as I know) spouses are not a commodity, the potential for awkwardness is through the roof.

There are just some things they don’t teach you how to deal with in seminary. That was the case a few days ago, when I was being introduced to a middle aged woman whom had previously attended the parish, but had recently slipped away.

“We haven’t seen you in a while! I’d like to introduce you to our new minister…” she said, elbowing the lapsing congregant… And he’s single! (wink)”

SEMINARY FAIL.

You may have seen a successful blog collecting humorous occasions of EPIC FAILURE. If you haven’t… here’s a link: http://failblog.org/

Being the classy types, we’re copying that idea. Shamelessly. Except, rather than collecting completely random failures… we’re highlighting a very particular type of failures. Specifically the realizations of three young ministers who, by wandering through the quandary of ministry, come to realize that there can be only one way to describe their education: SEMINARY FAIL.